Keep It Hidden, Keep Her Safe
by StarShinobi
Summary: What happens when a case results in a confession of one of Neal's more legal activities in his past?  How couldn't Peter know?  A story of loss, gain, and trust.  A slightly different version of Neal's established background story.


_Hey, StarShinobi here! This is my first White Collar fanfic! Been waiting a long time for inspiration for one of these and I actually found it in someone else's fic. Therefore, I must give them credit. I actually was inspired to write this story by one line in the story Therapy by crescentgaia._

"Kate was pregnant once," he said quietly.

_That just gave me a plethora of ideas and I put them into this story. So read, enjoy, and let me know what you think. Its just something that I think could be a possibility of why Neal chased Kate for so long and explain those two's behavior. Could be seen as AU I guess but all conclusions are based on established facts from the show. Please review!_

_Disclaimer: I wish I owned Neal Caffrey ^_^_

_Warnings: Angst and mentions of violence._

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I would give all I have to have you with me,  
To see tomorrow with you,  
To touch and hold the one thing dear to me,  
I would climb the highest mountains,  
I would swim the widest oceans,  
Closed my eyes and be blinded by your love,  
Trusting in you to lead my way,  
I would give all I had for you,  
To love you and be loved in return,  
To adore you, and be adored in return,  
I would give my all to be with you,  
To make the memories of yesterday forever,  
To see me and you in the future.

Come whatever,  
I would give all I have for you,  
Lay down my life for you,  
To sacrifice my soul for your pardon,  
I would give all I have for you,  
Be it to travel to the ends of the earth,  
To catch the falling stars out of the skies above,  
I would give all,  
To hear you say the words I so needed to hear,  
The word that would heal my broken heart,  
The words that means all the world to me,  
To hear you say "I love You",  
And look into your eyes knowing you meant it,  
For I would give all I have in life for you,  
For you gave me all I have in life,  
And without you, I have nothing.

-Robert Kyle Newton - _I Would Give All I Have_

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It had arguably been the hardest two weeks Peter Burke had ever experienced in his entire career, even harder than all three years he spent chasing the most elusive forger he had ever known put together. Fourteen days ago, Neal Caffrey had gone missing leaving nothing behind but his anklet, a trashed apartment, and a small pool of blood near his bed. Ten days ago, he and his team finally raided the dingy apartment building their informant had told them about and found a severely beaten and drugged Neal in Charles Darrwood's apartment.

Neal was rushed to the hospital with too many injuries for Peter to even think about it. Fortunately, the EMTs allowed Peter to ride along in the ambulance despite their 'no unnecessary persons' policy, though he almost regretted it as he watched the ex-con struggle against the paramedics in his drugged state. His mind couldn't see that he had been rescued; the drugs making him believe that he was still being held by Darrwood. He lashed out against one of the paramedics, screaming that he would never tell him anything before they were forced to strap him down so he wouldn't hurt himself or anyone else. Even more heartbreaking to Peter was the mantra Neal mumbled from that point until he was taken from Peter's sight; "Peter will find me…He's gonna find me…"

Hughes allowed Peter to interrogate Darrwood despite the emotional toll the case had taken on him; of course this was only after Peter promised not to kill him. It hadn't taken much for Peter to get the truth from the man. Apparently, Peter was the only remaining member of the team that had put him in jail 15 years ago for murder and embezzlement. He learned of his friendship with Neal and intended to get Peter's unlisted address and the spare key he had given Neal in case of emergencies. He had attacked Neal in his sleep, accidently knocking the man out before Charles could ask him anything. Charles then ransacked Neal's apartment looking for the key and when he couldn't find it, he decided to take the conman with him.

Over the next four days, he drugged the conman with his own 'truth serum' concoction and beat him mercilessly to get the information he wanted so he could enter the house and kill El in front of Peter for putting him in jail. Unfortunately for him, Neal showed more resilience than he had expected and he kept the information a secret. Neal had kept Peter and El safe.

And now, on top of everything, he was waiting for his finally lucid friend to wake up so he could ask him about what a nurse had informed him Neal had said three days ago. Under the influence of the 'truth serum', Neal had been a fountain of information regarding his less than legal activities during his tired yet conscious moments. In those first three days, Peter was pretty sure Neal had told him too much, enlightening him about the cons he had pulled, ones he had planned, and even claiming responsibility for some that he hadn't even been a part of. Peter had to smile at the memory of how one of these conversations had ended.

"_Did you really do all of those things?" he asked in amazement yet mocking the young man's elated state._

_Neal gave his signature smirk, eyes twinkling in his drugged state. "Yep," he slurred before placing his finger on his lips, "but shhhhh, don't tell _Peter_. It's a secret."_

Neal hadn't even realized who he was telling his tales to. Peter had spoken with Hughes about Neal's confessions, worried the con had finally dug his own grave. However, Hughes surprised Peter, informing him that it would be impossible for them to decipher which of his confessions were true in his delusional state. None of what he said would be admissible in court.

What a liar, and Peter was happy for it.

However, the giddy confessions were only the beginning of the horrendous process. The happy conversations about his proudest moments had quickly changed to horrifying hallucinations as his body began to detox. The term 'waking nightmares' was much too mild to describe what his young friend had gone through. Anyone who entered the room morphed into a monster from his past and sent him into a panic, the drug affecting his ability to hide his emotions as he normally would.

Fortunately, Peter was not just anyone. He was the only one that Neal recognized when he entered the room, which included El, Mozzie, and June. He remembered the last visitor he had before anyone other than the doctors and Peter were banned from the room.

_The doctor stopped _Peter_ and El to tell them about the withdrawal symptoms Neal was most likely going to have based on the drugs in his system. They were both concerned for their young friend as the doctor described hallucinations, uncontrolled emotion and even the possibility of violent tendencies. He informed them that he was not sure if this was exactly what was going to happen due to the fact that he had never seen this drug before, but it was his best guess. The hospital was going to keep and eye on him as he was already hallucinating, but they wanted to be sure about everything else before they acted on it._

Peter_ had stayed behind to talk with the doctor while El went ahead to see Neal, taking a second to say hi to Jones, who was guarding Neal's door, before she entered. _Peter_ had been asking the doctor about the specifics of Neal's physical recovery when an angry and terrified yell followed by several loud bangs reverberated off the sterile walls of the hospital. Both _Peter_ and Jones both started before bolting to Neal's door and rushing inside._

Peter_ looked to the side to see El sitting on the floor against the wall closest to the door, her eyes wide in fear as she stared across the room at the opposite corner. _Peter_ kneeled down next to his wife as the machine alarms in the room continued to sound. "El, what happened?"_

_El remained silent as _Peter_ took in the state of the room. Various object were scattered on the floor around El, marks on the wall behind her where the heavier objects had struck. The bedside table and tray of medical supplies were tipped over, their contents strewn across the floor. The chairs next to Neal's bed were overturned, one of which had found its way over by El. _Peter_ didn't want to think about how it got there. _

_But what unnerved him the most was the figure in the far corner where El's terrified gaze lead. Neal was sitting on the floor, wedged between a recliner and the wall. He was curled in on himself with his head on his knees, arms covering it as if he were either hiding or protecting himself from attack. _Peter_ felt his heart drop when he heard the sounds coming from the man, Neal was hyperventilating. _

"_El, honey, are you ok?" _Peter_ asked holding her face in his hands as she continued to stare at Neal._

"_He…he saw me…and…and just…freaked out," she said breathless, trying to comprehend what was happening herself. "I sat next to him and grabbed his hand. The minute I touched him, his eyes flew open and he looked at me like…like some sort of…monster or something. Next thing I know, he started yelling and throwing whatever he could get his hands on at me." She turned her gaze to _Peter_, her eyes filling with tears. "_Peter_, he ripped out his own I.V.s. What…what's wrong with him, _Peter_? Is he going to be ok?"_

"_He'll be ok, El," said _Peter_ pulling his wife into a comforting hug. The doctor finally entered the room and began shutting off the alarms on the machines, looking at Neal with concern. "Once he gets through this, he'll be ok. Did he hurt you?"_

"_No," said El, _Peter_ feeling her whole body trembling. "No he didn't hurt me."_

Peter_ watched as Jones slowly approached Neal. As he got closer, he lowered himself onto one knee and began reaching for the man. "Neal," he said softly. "Everything is alright, Neal. Let's get you back into bed." _

_As Jones put his hand on Neal's shoulder, all Hell broke loose. _

"_NO!" yelled Neal as he began to fight back his believed attacker, striking any part of Jones he could reach, his face fixed in fear. "Don't touch me!" Jones could see the blood on Neal's arm from where he had ripped out his I.V. and tried to hold Neal down, only making the man fight harder._

"_Neal! Neal, man, it's me! It's Jones!"_

"_No, I won't do it!" yelled Neal, his eyes focus yet distant, stuck in a nightmare he couldn't get out of. "I'll die first!"_

_Jones tried one last time to grab Neal's wrists and stop his attack, but received a palm thrust to the nose instead, throwing him backward to the ground. Neal didn't hesitate, he jumped to his feet and began to rush toward the door. The doctor moved in front of the door and closed it, thwarting Neal's exit. _Peter_ could almost see something switch in Neal's head as his features turned from fear to utter rage. _

_Neal no longer raced toward the door, but rather charged the doctor. Everyone was taken by surprise as Neal grabbed the doctor's collar and slammed his him against the door. His eyes burned with anger as he yelled at the middle-aged man held in his grip. "Where is she, Carlton?" he yelled mere inches from the man's face. "Where is she? What have you done with her? I swear if you hurt her, I'll kill you!"_

Peter_ felt El pull herself closer to him, fear causing her to lock onto her one comfort, but unfortunately stopping _Peter_ from helping the man with his hallucinating friend._

_Jones, who had finally pulled himself from the floor, rushed forward and grabbed Neal. He pushed the man to the floor, guiltily subduing the man as he held Neal's hands behind his back and his head to the floor. "No!" screamed Neal, jerking his limbs angrily as he tried to escape. "No! Please just let us go! Let me see her, please!"_

"_It's alright, Neal," said Jones as the blood dripped from his nose. "It's alright. No one is going to hurt you. We're going to help you get better." He continued to say encouragement and comforting words as he and the doctor pulled Neal off the floor and a nurse entered the room with a syringe._

"_No!" yelled Neal as he began to fight for freedom again. "Kate! Kate! Don't hurt her!"_

Peter_ pulled himself from El and rushed forward to help the two men who were obviously beginning to lose their fight with the struggling man. _Peter_ put his hands on both sides of Neal's face and forced the young man's face toward him. "Neal," yelled _Peter_ trying to get the ex-con's attention. "Neal, look at me!"_

_Neal's eyes locked with _Peter_'s and _Peter_ was glad to see recognition enter the unfocused eyes. "_Peter_?" he asked frantically. "_Peter_, they have Kate. You have to save Kate!"_

"_It's ok, buddy," said _Peter_ as they finally got Neal under control. "Neal nothing is going to happen here. You're in the hospital. Carlton is not here. Kate is not here."_

"Peter_, they said they would kill her if I didn't do it, but I can't. Please don't let them hurt Kate." Neal closed his eyes in fear._

_The begging in his friend's voice pulled at his heart. He nodded to the nurse and she injected the contents of the syringe into Neal's arm. "No one is gonna hurt Kate. No one can hurt her."_

"_Please…_Peter_…Kate…"said Neal as the sedative finally took affect, causing the young man to fall into a restless sleep and allowing the group to breathe. _

"_Brittany," said the doctor to the nurse, "could you please go get the restraints. I, unfortunately, feel we are going to need them." The nurse nodded to the doctor and practically ran from the room as she went to follow his orders. The doctor, in the mean time, moved to Neal's left side and began placing the I.V. and monitors back to their original places, visibly flinching each time Neal twitched in his sleep._

"_Doctor, are you alright?" asked Jones concerned. _

"_I'm fine," he said kindly. "I am sorry, but we are going to need to restrain him so nothing like this happens again. I also think it would be best if no one visited him any longer. We don't need anything like this happening again."_

"_But he recognized _Peter_," said El as she pulled herself from the floor and righted one of the chairs to sit by Neal. "Wouldn't it be good for him to be here? Maybe it would help Neal stay more connected to the real world."_

"_It may help," said the doctor as the nurse returned with the padded restraints. "Especially since he seems to think he is being held somewhere."_

"_And those restraints definitely aren't going to help with that delusion," said _Peter_ as he watched the nurse and doctor secure his friend to the bed._

"_I know that, Agent Burke," said the doctor sadly, "but unfortunately we can't risk something like this happening again. This is going to be a rough road for Mr. Caffrey. I will allow you to come be with him if you are willing."_

_El squeezed _Peter_'s hand as he looked at the young con's face, eyes racing as he was tortured in his dreams. "You're damn right I'm willing."_

After that, Peter was put in charge of Neal and assigned to sit with the ex-con each day. The nurses began reporting the episodes Neal had endured during the night. Peter would then help Neal out of his delusions one at a time, and slowly, he began to become more and more lucid.

That's what led to the information he had received three days ago. He shook his head at the information he had accumulated since then. It almost made sense now. How had he not seen it? All the pieces were there and he had been too blind to see why his friend was in so much pain.

He thought back to the report he had received from Brittany, one of Neal's nurses, from that night.

"_Morning, Agent Burke," said Brittany as he approached the desk. The young woman was getting her things together as she had switched with one of the other nurses and taken the night shift._

"_Morning, Brittany," he said as he passed by on his way to Neal's room._

"_Agent Burke, can I ask you something?"_

Peter_ stopped and turned back to the young woman. "Sure."_

"_Is Neal married?"_

Peter_ had to shake his head. No one had ever asked that and it sort of threw him off. "Nope, he's not."_

"_You sure?"_

Peter_ looked at her quizzically. "One hundred percent, why?"_

"_Well, it's just…Neal was asking for his wife last night. I don't think he was lucid, but he just seemed so convinced. I looked at his file that you gave us so that I could let her know he was asking for her, but I didn't see anything about it. I just wanted to check with you."_

"_Thanks, Brittany, but he was delusional. Neal has never been married."_

"_Ok, that makes me feel a little better," said the woman. "I've been worried sick that we hadn't informed a woman that her husband was here. I was so worried."_

"_Nope, everything is ok. Sorry he worried you like that."_

"_It's ok. See you tomorrow, Agent Burke."_

"_See you tomorrow," said _Peter_ as he continued to walk toward Neal's room. He opened the door and looked at the young man sleeping on the hospital bed. His mind began to think about what the nurse had said. The idea of Neal being married, it seemed absurd, but he couldn't help but entertain the idea for a moment. Who could he have possibly been married to? He chuckled at the thought of any woman being able to stand Neal's charm long enough to win a fight with him or tolerate his flirting with another woman to get a job done. The chuckle quickly died on his lips as he really thought about it._

_No, it couldn't be true. Could it?_

_He looked one more time at the man fighting his nightmares and exited the room. He walked out of the hospital and started his Taurus. He had to figure this out. Things were starting to make too much sense for him not to look into it._

He, in fact, did look into it, and it hadn't taken long, or much digging, for him to find the answer. Neal had actually given him the answer not long ago, Peter had just been to blind to see it. The answer had been right in front of him.

Nonetheless, Peter wanted to hear it from Neal, and not just Neal, but a lucid Neal. One that would tell him the answer if he trusted him enough. He didn't want to hear it from the one that didn't care who he was telling or the one that believed that he was being held for information, but the one that knew where he was, what was happening, and what he was saying. Peter owed him that much.

He knew today would be the day he asked. The doctor had informed Peter yesterday that the drugs were completely out of his system and that Neal had gone the entire day without hallucination, delusion or violent episode. Neal was finally back to being Neal and this meant a real conversation.

Thusly why Peter had gotten to the hospital early so that he could talk with Neal before June, El and Mozzie came to see him for the first time since his attack on El. He watched the young man sleep, his eyes appearing to finally be seeing pleasant dreams. Peter couldn't help but grin as he watched Neal smile in sleep. Yes, finally no nightmares.

Not long after, Neal's eyes slowly opened as he awoke groggily from his restful slumber. He looked to the older man sitting next to his bed and stretched, finally free of his restraints. He grunted contently as he stretched before yawning.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Peter teased.

"Would that make you Prince Charming waiting for me to wake up then?" Neal joked in return.

Peter smirked. _Thank God he's back. _"You wish, buddy."

"You're here kind of early, aren't you?" asked Neal as he looked at the clock, the glowing numbers indicating 7:34 am.

"You know me, always early," said Peter as Neal shot him a tired smile. "Actually, I had something that I've been wanting to talk to you about, but I wanted you to be able to make the choice as to if you wanted to say anything or not."

"I didn't do it," said Neal quickly, his eyes worried. "I was drugged and didn't know what I was saying. Whatever it is I confessed to doing, I didn't do it."

Peter couldn't help but laugh at his young consultant. "Oh don't worry, you did enough confessing to last you a lifetime, but we can talk about that later." Peter calmed himself down before continuing. "I wanted to talk to you about something in your life that was actually legal."

The worry drained from the young man's face as he pulled himself up into a sitting position and relaxed. "Well in that case, ask away," he smiled.

"Neal, were you and Kate married?"

Peter watched Neal visibly stop short, his face paling a bit. He turned his eyes toward Peter, a mixture of relief and worry showing in his oceanic eyes. "How did you find out?"

"You kept asking the nurse for your wife one night while you were detoxing," said Peter, pulling his chair closer to Neal's bed. "I did a little searching and finally put the pieces together that you've been leaving for me. So it's true then?"

Peter patiently waited for an answer as his consultant nervously played with the edge of the sheets on his bed before answering. "Yes," he said, his voice thick.

"How long?"

"Would have been seven years next month," said Neal, his voice becoming quieter with each answer. "How did you finally know for sure?"

"I realized that I have never actually looked at her tombstone since we allowed you to have a private burial and I never actually accompanied you all the way to her grave. I wanted to give you your time with her without realizing you had given me a clue. So, I checked out her headstone. Kate Caffrey has a good ring to it."

"She always told me it did," he said with a smile, never making eye contact with the older man.

"Neal," said Peter, his voice kind so as to pull his friend's attention. He was successful as the blue orbs focused on the agent. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"We didn't tell anyone," said Neal, his gaze finding its way back to his lap. "I had way too many enemies. It was dangerous enough for her to be known as my girlfriend, but to be known as my wife? That would have been a death sentence."

"I don't understand."

"A girlfriend usually isn't as sacred to a man as a wife," said Neal. "A man can leave a girlfriend; a husband would do anything for his wife. Just think about it, Peter. What wouldn't you do for El?"

Peter had to admit Neal had a point there. He knew that he would do anything for El and most of his 'enemies' didn't want anything from him. He couldn't even imagine having to worry about someone using his wife as leverage, especially thinking of the mild situation he had encountered with Fowler and that damn music box. "No, no there isn't."

"Exactly," Neal said matter-of-factly. "So, we decided that she would be Kate Caffrey, but only we would know."

"But there is one thing I don't understand," said Peter as he rested his chin on his folded hands, "Kate left you. She told you she was going to when you were in prison and you escaped. If you were married…"

"She was in trouble, Peter," said Neal. "We knew that one day the police were going to catch one of us, and whether or not I like to admit it, we both knew it would be me. Kate was always careful, didn't pull as many jobs as I did. So, we decided that if either of us got caught and the other was in trouble while we were on the inside, we would visit and tell the other 'I can't do this anymore'."

"I always did think it was strange that she broke up with you after three and a half years of waiting," said Peter shaking his head.

"She came to visit me that day in prison and gave me the message. I wasn't able to ask her who was after her," began Neal.

"Fowler?"

"Yeah," said Neal, his eyes shining with anger. "She came to tell me she was running. I had to make sure she had gotten out ok."

"And that's why you broke out of prison with 3 months and change," said Peter, realization finally hitting the older man. "You broke out to make sure she had gotten away."

"We had agreed years ago that if we got out safe, we would leave the bottle of '82 Bordeaux in the apartment and the other would pick it up. That way, we would still have it when we saw each other again." Peter could see Neal's eyes were starting to shine more than usual. "I had to get out whether it was to get her out or get that bottle."

"So when you said, 'The bottle is the message', you were being serious." Neal nodded his head. "And why you wanted to look for her, you were really trying to get back to her." Again Neal nodded. "But you never even hinted that she was your wife."

"That's not true," said Neal. "Do you remember when I first showed you the picture of her in San Diego?" Peter nodded his head. "When you told me she dumped me and I should just let her go, do you remember what I said to you?"

Peter tried hard to remember, thinking back to the conversation and let out a sigh. "Not if she's the one."

"Exactly," said Neal. "I knew she was the one and you always wondered how. Always questioned why I continued to look for her and didn't believe you when you told me that she didn't care for me. I always told you I knew she did, and it was because she had vowed to love me until…" The words caught in the man's throat.

"Neal…"Peter began to comfort.

"I knew something was wrong when she used the name Perdu. It was another failsafe we had developed to communicate the status of our situation. Using the last name Perdu told the other that they needed help, that they couldn't escape even after leaving the city. If everything was ok, she would have used the name Trouver."

"Find," Peter realized. "You two really had this figured out."

"We didn't have a choice not to."

"You could have gotten out," said Peter.

Peter watched as Neal's eyes began to water and tears formed in his eyes. In all of his years, Peter had never seen Neal this vulnerable, even under the influence of the drug. "We tried once. We had just finished a job and we had enough money to get out. We were going to do one more, but Kate had a surprise for me and we couldn't wait any longer." Peter was surprised to see a smile form on the ex-con's lips.

"What was the surprise?" asked Peter, being pulled into the tale of Neal's love life.

"Kate was 10 weeks pregnant," said Neal, smiling happily as he continued to be fascinated with the edges of the sheet on his lap. "She had wanted to wait until we were done with the job so I wouldn't lose focus. I couldn't believe it, Peter," he said, tear-filled eyes finally finding their way to the agent, "I was gonna be a dad. I was going to use the money to buy an apartment in New York City. Someplace with a nice school where no one would know us; somewhere we could start fresh."

"What happened?" asked Peter. He felt terrible for asking when Neal's smile disappeared and his focus returned to his lap again.

"A man named Jason Carlton," began Neal, his voice becoming thick again as he forced his way through the story, "came to our place in the middle of the night. He knocked me out and took both of us to some hell-hole in Boston. He had heard I was good at forgeries and wanted me to make birth certificates so he could steal children to be sold for adoption on the black market. He planned on kidnapping kids, Peter. He said if I didn't, then Kate and I would be the ones to pay. I couldn't do it, Peter, no matter what the cost and Kate agreed."

"I think I saw you flash back to that during your detox," said Peter sadly. "It must have been awful."

"He beat me and threatened to beat Kate, but apparently he wouldn't strike a woman, especially a pregnant woman. It didn't matter though," said Neal, his voice becoming quiet. "She was in the first trimester. The stress from the whole ordeal caused her to miscarry. We lost the baby and Carlton let us go."

"He felt guilty?" asked Peter.

"Kind of ironic, huh?" said Neal with a forced humorless laugh. "The child-stealing adoption fraud guy let us go because he felt bad about making us lose out baby."

Peter got up and placed a hand on Neal's shoulder. "Neal, I'm so sorry."

"I had to use the money for the apartment to bring her to the doctor," Neal pushed. "She got so sick, Peter. She went into a depression and kept telling me that she was going to turn me in for what I did to her. She blamed me, Peter. I knew it was only the trauma talking but…but I can't say it didn't take a toll on our relationship. She even tried to go to the police station and I had to physically bring her back to the apartment. I couldn't trust her for so long. It took everything I had to get her out of that depression, Peter. Then on top of it, I tried to do a job three weeks after she was finally ok again, for us to try again, but…" He stopped, unable to continue.

"That three weeks later I caught you, didn't I," said Peter, almost feeling badly about catching him now. "I remember making the comment that you had gotten sloppy. I didn't know…"

"I wouldn't expect you to, Peter," said Neal quietly and without accusation. "The only other person who knew about the pregnancy was Mozzie."

"So you and Haversham _have_ known each other for a while," said Peter slyly, trying to put a small teasing nature back into the serious talk to try and make Neal more comfortable.

"Yeah," said Neal sadly, not noticing Peter's attempt as his mind relived his past, the speed of his words increasing. "I had to tell someone, I couldn't do it alone. I tried. Believe me I really tried, but…"

"Neal," said Peter, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder, "it's alright, just calm down. Just breathe, buddy."

Peter felt Neal's body shake under his hand as Neal's own hand reached across his body and latched onto Peter's with an iron grip. "I tried so hard to make it work out, Peter," said Neal, his facade slowly falling under his body's fatigue from detoxing and the stress of finally having the conversation with the man he looked up to. "I did everything I could think of to keep us together, to keep her safe. I lied to the people I cared about, I manipulated everyone around me to find her, but in the end… After everything that we went through…I finally lost her. I promised her I would protect her and give her a wedding ring and a better life and I wasn't even able to do that."

Peter watched his friend slowly confessed everything to him, watching helplessly as his partner slowly broke in front of him. All of the sadness, the anger, even the guilt finding its way to the surface due to one simple question that could have been answered with a yes or a no. "Neal…"

"I got her killed, Peter!" yelled Neal, and then the conman did something that stopped Peter in his tracks.

Neal began to cry.

In the eight long years that he had known Neal, he had never seen the young man shed a tear: neither in reality or to get his way in any of his cons. Now that Peter thought about it, this was probably the first time Neal had mourned Kate's death openly. He hadn't had the opportunity to mourn when the accident had occurred, the shock forcing his emotions down to cope, and then he had been sent to prison where his emotions could get him into trouble with the other inmates. When he finally got out again, he continued that coping mechanism, that need to hide his emotions and fooled almost everyone into believing that he was alright. Everyone, that is, except Peter and Mozzie.

"She died because of me," he said quietly, the tears cascading down his face as he sobbed.

Peter had never been good with crying, women crying to be exact. He had admitted that to Neal on several occasions, but he found that watching his friend lose control was the hardest thing he had ever had to watch. However, no matter how uncomfortable he felt, he knew he had to do something; to prove to his friend that it wasn't a mistake to trust him with this information. So, he sat down by the younger man and pulled him into a comforting hug.

"No, Neal," said Peter as the young ex-con gripped his shirt in his hands. "It wasn't your fault. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it." His partner buried his head in the agent's shoulder. Peter could feel the tears soaking through his button up shirt as he comfortingly pet the young con's hair. "It's ok."

"It's not ok," said Neal pulling away from the agent. "Someone killed my wife because of me."

Peter couldn't even imagine what Neal was going through. He remembered how angry he had been with Neal when he attacked Fowler, but now he could only think of how he would react if someone killed El. He didn't even want to imagine what he would do, but he knew. Fowler and Neal were perfect examples of what he would do. He looked back at the young man and could hardly believe his eyes. Neal was already pulling himself back together and replacing the mask he used to hide from the world.

"Neal, why didn't you tell me?" asked Peter, trying his best to not make the question sound like an accusation. "I would have…"

"You would have what?" said Neal quickly. "When we first started, you didn't trust me and I completely understand why. At that time I wasn't trustworthy, I'll admit to that. I used you to get out of prison so I could get to Kate. If I told you what Kate was to me, what would you have done?"

"I would have looked at things differently."

"I know you would now, but back then, you would have kept and even closer eye on me because when Kate was my girlfriend she made me enough of a flight risk. If you knew she was my wife, you would have had me on 24-7 surveillance so I wouldn't run. I would have done the same thing in your position, which is why I didn't tell you. Then, when there was finally a little trust between us, it was too late to tell you. Fowler was involved then and you would have looked too much into my activities. It would have ruined everything."

Peter was silent for a moment. "You're right," he said sadly as he looked at his friend. "I'm so sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry, Peter. I dug my own grave on this one. I should have told you after she died, but it didn't seem important anymore. I honestly believed that no one cared about her. I thought that some people were probably glad she was dead so…"

"Neal, no one is glad she is gone," said Peter sadly, "and I'm sorry if I am one of the people who make you think that. Neal, I saw what you went through when she left…when I thought she left you, and the pain you felt when she died. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially you."

"Not if you ask Rice…"

"Rice can go to Hell," said Peter, his voice almost venomous. "You're a good person, Neal, and I repeat, you did _not_ deserve this."

Neal looked at his friend, his mask slipping just a bit as a sad smile appeared on the young man's face. "Thank you, Peter. I really needed to hear that."

"No problem, partner," he said, giving his friend's shoulder a squeeze. "Thank you for trusting me with this."

"Little late now," said Neal with a mirthless smirk.

"Better late than never," he said before letting go of Neal. "You trusted me with it nonetheless. Now, June, El and Mozzie will be here soon so I should let you get ready for them…however you do that. I know how much you hate to not look pretty for your fans," he joked.

A genuine smile found its way onto the young ex-con's face. "My work is never done," he retorted. Peter let a small chuckle pass by his lips as he turned to leave the room and allow his friend to think. "Hey,Peter?" came Neal's voice as Peter reached for the door.

"Yeah, buddy?" he said turning back toward the bed.

"You said I was very open over the past two weeks, that I started answering any question you asked…" asked Neal nervously as he began to play with the sheets again.

"Yeah…" said Peter a little suspiciously.

"Then why…why did you ask me now? Why not ask me before?" asked Neal as he finally looked at the agent again.

Peter looked at young man who looked even younger in his rare vulnerability, reminding him of that day he was drugged in the hospital. "Because one day you told me you trusted me," he said with a smile, "and this is something you would tell me if you trusted me with the information. It isn't something that affects our job or something that could get you hurt. This is just something about your past that I would like to know because you are my friend. I believed you would trust me enough to tell you, and I know you trust me enough to wait until you can make a decision to share your past with me."

Neal stared back at Peter with that look Peter knew was Neal's 'touched' look, the one when he realizes that his trust was not misplaced in the older agent. "I do trust you, Peter. I do, but… Do you think we…?"

"As far as anyone knows, this conversation never happened unless you want them too," said Peter.

"Thanks, Peter," said Neal, "and not just for this, but for everything."

"That's what's partners do, kid."

Suddenly, the door burst open and El, June and Mozzie flooded into the room followed by Diana and Jones. A smile spread across Neal's face as the older women showered the young con with kisses and Mozzie spewed discontentment over having to visit Neal in the germ infested hospital. Jones gave the man a handshake as Neal profusely apologized to El for what had happened, only to have the woman shush him and fix his hair. Peter could only smile as the young man was showered with love and attention, something the con had never believed he could have outside of Kate.

"How's he doin'?" asked Diana as she approached her mentor.

"He's gonna be ok," said Peter with a confident smile.

Yeah, Neal was gonna be ok.

* * *

There you go, my first White Collar fanfic! Let me know how I did and thanks for reading!

~StarShinobi


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